credit to whoever I saved the original photo from
I FUCKING HATE CRUSHES
THIS IS WHY I SAID I WAS JUST GONNA TRY TO BEFRIEND THE KID
Okay, so I know, I know, I said I wasn’t gonna take part, AND I’M NOT. But I mean, that didn’t stop me from putting on the cutest damn outfit I’ve worn to work yet, and doing my makeup all cute. But that was just cuz… I like to look good. Anyway, so I spent the whole day praying to the weather gods that the rain would continue through Hot Dock Guy (AKA Trayce, for those who missed it) arriving because it’s a proven fact that water makes guys at least 20% hotter. And I mean, at least that worked out. You see, I stuck it out a few minutes, then had to go cuz my crazy boss is the one closing and she would have kept me there if I wasn’t careful. So I’m walking with this girl who’d only seen him like, once, and that was the time I had been walking with him and she’s like omg this time!
But guess what. NOT that time. We get there, and he’s nowhere to be seen. And so I’m getting my stuff extra slow, and still nothing. So I walk out.
To see that it’s raining pretty hard. (Don’t worry though, it would get worse.) So I’m walking in the rain, just looking up at the sky and feeling my sheer shirt getting even more see through when I look where I’m going to see him sitting in his car, just a few from mine. (It’s exactly what you’d expect a boy next door mechanic to have. An old blue jeep. Stupid.) And I’m like, ah fuck, now I look like some weirdo, assuming he even saw me. But like, he makes a move to get out of his car right as I’m right behind it, and at that point I’m like OH GAWD THIS IS WEIRD, THIS IS WEIRD THIS IS WEIRD. So I hurry up and get into my car, and watch as a puff of smoke go up through the rain streaked sky as he heads towards that hell hole. (I guess he’s a smoker? Anyway.) But in my car, kinda wet, I realize I’ve forgotten my drink in the store, and yes, I could have just left it, but come on. I paid a dollar for that thing, and it wasn’t even halfway finished. So, knowing full well how sketch it’d look, I went back in, and the rain is getting a touch harder, so I get a touch wetter.
And then I walk in, and within the minute and a half it took for me to decide to go back in, he’d already been met by two girls, who were engaging him in conversation, RIGHT IN MY PATH. And like…. now I’m just feeling awkward because he has to have seen that I had already left and the two girls that have gotten to him are actually two girls that I’m actually friends with.
What makes this worse? Well, I should probably give you some background. There’s a reason I’ve never had a boyfriend. And it isn’t that no boys like me, even though that’s what I often say. No, it’s because I don’t like who I become when I have any sort of attraction to someone. So I find a reason to say no, and ignore it. Because it’s better off being alone then becoming the person I start to become on attraction.
SO, back to the story, here I am, walking in between them, head down, FULLY aware of the eyes following me and my poor see through shirt, wet hair and water slicked legs because I opted to not wear tights with my skirt. And I couldn’t help but feel that twinge. The beginning of the end.
Because, you see, never being able to keep people in my life for too long, I hold on to anyone and anything like my life depends on it, and that, in turn, makes me the single most jealous person you will ever meet. If we are friends, you best believe at some point in our friendship I have been jealous of someone taking your attention away from me. Okay, it’s bad.
So here I am, walking to my half empty drink, that we all know was just a stupid damn excuse to go back in, feeling that stupid monster enveloping my soul (okay, that might be a tad dramatic) when I’m like, hey, she has to go back to work, whatever. They’ll have moved.
I WAS WRONG.
And then that’s when it happened.
Some more back story first, earlier she’d come by to say that she was gonna see if he’d be willing to help out with her car, which has been kinda broken for like, a month now.
SO THEN THAT’S WHEN IT HAPPENED.
As I’m walking by, again, stupidly aware of those stupid eyes, I turn to her and say “Getting your car fixed?” And then continued on my way. And like. Gawd, could I be anymore of a dog peeing on a patch of grass?
What makes it EVEN WORSE IS THAT I CONSIDER HER A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.
Ugh. So yeah. As I got into the car, again, even more wet because it’s raining even harder, I questioned my existence and yeah. (Then it rained EVEN HARDER and it legit looked like I had taken a shower in my clothes.)
That’s when I officially decided to just STOP. Not only can I not compete with her, I don’t want to.
So there. For real this time.
I’m ending this before anything really bad can happen.
PS- I told you lot he was just a nice guy.
No human being should ever have to endure a crush.
A police officer was killed this week here in Arizona. Today is his daughter’s kindergarten graduation, and because he couldn’t be there, the rest of the force showed up to represent him.
“People often say that when couples are married for a long time, they start to look alike. I don’t believe that. But I do believe their sentences start to look alike.”
this is one of the best looped gifs i’ve ever seen
i’m really sick of the phrase “find yourself”
you don’t find yourself
you make yourself
you’re a blank canvas
don’t waste your time looking for blank canvases
when you’ve had a paint brush in your hand the whole time
you can be anything you want to be
you don’t need to find yourself
you already have yourself